News from the Kerry Camp

In comments made to the press, Kerry suggested that kids do well in school or they will end up in a war zone. This was initially quoted from a stay in school "scared straight" campaign, but in their present iteration have remarkably caused a furor. The campaign has said the remarks have been taken out of context; because there is a context in which "do well in school or you'll end up in Iraq" sounds positive and affirming. When asked about the gaffe, Kerry stated that his new internet chat political adviser Karla Wanderer had cleared the speech with high marks.

There are other theories circulating.

1. That in a revolutionary bit of electioneering, John Kerry decided to try reverse psychology on the electorate. Because "the masses never do what they're told" strategists thought making it clear Democrats don't want their vote it would encourage a passive aggressive voting backlash. "Hah, you don't want my vote! I'll show you! Where is that Democrat lever!" By a similar application of reversal logic, implying that the soldiers in Iraq are uneducated, by way of what has been viewed as a patently classist "joke," he would cast Democrats in a folksy man and woman of the peoplish sort of light.

2. He reasoned that being stupid and insulting has worked so well for the Republicans for the last ten years maybe Dems should try it too.

3. He got confused, had a flashback and thought he was talking about Vietnam and the college deferment.

4. In a Wagnerian twist, he has dedicated himself to the principal that "If I can't win an election, then No Democrat shall!!!!"...He was overheard muttering to himself. "It was mine. Mine I say. My precious. And they stoles it Nassty little Hobbitses."


Editor's Note: 7 days before the election. WTF were he and more importantly his speech writer and advisers thinking. Obviously not much!