Ictheology or The Study of Little Metal Fish Outlines on the Back of Cars

Ladies and Gentleman, there is a quiet battle going on in the streets and byways of our fair nation. It is a fight to control the ass ends of our cars and minds. No I'm not talking about bumper stickers - that is so last century. I'm talking about the battle royale of the universe Ictheos vs Darwin. Both sides are armed with a fundamental, dare I say Biblical proportion of ignorance and are proud to wear the badge of their tribe.

In the red corner is Ictheos. The ancient (even more ancient than the cross) symbol of Christianity. "Go you and be fishers of men." At its best a faith based on Love, compassion for the downtrodden and forgotten. At its worst an ignorant and slavish devotion to the words of a book that has been changed and reworded more times than Paris Hilton's appeal to stay out of jail.

In the blue corner is that saucy Ictheos with legs and Darwin scrawled in the middle, because after all a fish sprouting legs is not enough to suggest evolution. Everyone knows that Darwin's Origin of the Species is diametrically opposed to everything about Christianity. It espouses hate and looking out for oneself and (I'm sorry this sentence, though amusingly, darkly ironic, is so stupid I can't even finish it.)

Let me step back for a minute and position myself as the great PC academic tradition demands. I am a Christian. I am a practicing Roman Catholic (practicing because ... well ... I'm not that good at it yet.) I believe that The Theory of Evolution is just that a Theory. I suppose this is where I diverge from the other idiots that state that Evolution is just a theory. I KNOW WHAT THE WORD THEORY MEANS! From Webster's Dictionary "an explanation or model that covers a substantial group of occurrences in nature and has been confirmed by a substantial number of experiments and observations." Theory = accepted fact. (Note to morons who would like to argue against something they think is unproven - say "that is just a hypothesis.")
It is not however called The Hypothesis of Evolution.

I suppose my greatest trouble with the Great Ass End of Car War is that the two symbols do not contradict one another in any real way. Yes Darwin's theory and people who believe that Adam was created first and then two chapters later was created last is a reasonable and logically consistent position are definitely at odds. But reasonable Christians who understand the Bible as revealed "and sometimes highly metaphorical" truth have no reason to doubt that Evolution occurs. Clearly it's God's plan to exhibit the gradual perfecting of all things. Otherwise he would have simply put us in heaven with him from the start. duh.

So I am going to get my metal outline custom made. It will feature the big fish with teeth about to swallow the outline of a person holding an Ictheo/Darwin about to put it on the outline of a minivan!