Official Apology Statement

Some terrible things have come to light and, thanks to the heroic example of Mark Foley, I would like to address them now.

In recent months I have been behaving in ways for which I am not proud. I would like to apologize to those random people whose cars I have keyed. Also to the old ladies I have hit over the head with my man purse. To the deer I have spotlighted - and I don't even own a gun it was just to see them look scared. And finally for drinking the milk out of the carton and putting it back in the fridge...at the supermarket.

I have sought help, though, in a rehab program. I've finally admitted I have a problem. I'm addicted to cheese...I'm a cheeseahol...no a recovering cheeseaholic. Now that you know I hope you can understand and can forgive my indiscretions. I will forthwith resign my post as the head of the Committee to Reduce Fat and Cholesterol.



Editor's Note: Hey, makes about as much sense as alcohol driving you to - commit sexual harassment, commit pedophilia, change sexual orientation and write kiddie porn e-mails. Come on folks the content of the e-mails is not the issue here, it's the fact that they were sent to a minor! If it were a 20 year old then it would be the content that would be most illegal. I for one am sad to lose such a champion for the safety of children from sexual predators. Is it just me or has the Moral Majority become a scratch and sniff with room clearing results?