Revisionist History
I have come to realize that the Declarification of Independency was wrote by that dirty hippie Thomas Jefferson who Darth Vader tells me has something to do with those crappy Jeffersonian Democrats. I have made some changes which I am calling the Declarification Enhancement Initiative
-Sincerely
Jorge Dubya Hedge
The unanimous Declarifiction of the thirteen united States of America
When Stuff happens and it becomes necessary for one people person to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume all the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's that God entitles me.
I hold these truths to be self-evidentiary, that all white men of a certain social standing are created equal though not as equal as me, that they are endowed (Heh Heh, Hey Laura, I said endowed, heh heh) by my Christian God with certain illegal alienable Rights, that among these are Life, Freedom and the pursuit of unlimited Profits. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the confusion of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the Me to invade and to institute new Government to protect our Precious bodily fluids. Prudence, I knew a Prudence once she was hot, will dictate that Governments long established should be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind will suffer evils rather than right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is right, it is
duty, to embrace such Government, and to provide National Guards for my future security. — The history of the present is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. Sounds good “As long as I'm the Dictator” heh heh
I have refused his Assent to Laws, they don't apply to me.
I have forbidden my Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance.
I have refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.
I have displayed a manly firmness in my invasions.
I have endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither.
I have obstructed the Administration of Justice by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.
I have made Judges dependent on my Will alone for the tenure of their offices.
I have erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.
I have sent away, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.
I have affected to render the Military dependent on my superior Civil Power.
I have combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:
For quartering large bodies of armed troops In foreign lands:
For protecting them, by a mock Trial from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the
Inhabitants of those States:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Trial by Jury:
For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences:
I have abolished Government here, by declaring us under my Protection and waging War.
I have allowed my coprporate doners to plunder our seas, ravage our coasts, burn our towns, and
destroy the lives of our people.
I have excited insurrections against us, and have endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Terrorist Savages whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
That's better
-Jorge
editors note: This started as a whimsy, but it is frightening how
many articles actually apply!
1 comment:
Oh yeah, a blogger who actually is fun to read. Was browsing and found you. I don't think I'm as interesting, but pop by some time when you have a minute.
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